When approaching difficult conversations, there are three key qualities to keep in mind: directness, honesty, and empathy.

1. Directness and Honesty The foundation of a meaningful conversation is honesty—expressing how you truly feel. Being direct doesn’t mean pointing out flaws in the other person; it means sharing your experience and emotions. This can feel uncomfortable, but it's necessary for growth and understanding.
2. Balance with Empathy Directness, however, requires balance. Some people use a “compliment sandwich” (compliment, truth, compliment) to soften the blow, but this approach often falls short. The compliments are forgotten, and only the harsh truth remains. A better strategy is to lead with empathy. Empathy is about recognizing that you don’t know the full story. It’s saying, “I’m bothered by this, but I also understand I’m only seeing part of the picture.” This opens the door for a shared conversation, where the focus is on understanding rather than conflict.
3. Genuine Appreciation Pair your honesty with genuine appreciation. This is not about softening the truth, but about acknowledging the other person’s strengths or contributions. For example, if a coworker is often late, you could say, “I notice you’re late sometimes, but I also see how hard you work and that you stay late when needed.” By separating the issue from the relationship, you create space for the conversation to strengthen your connection rather than harm it.

The goal of a difficult conversation isn’t to "win"—it’s to bring you closer together by fostering understanding and mutual respect.